Positive Discipline

• Create a safe and interesting environment
  • The environment that a baby spends most of their time in should be baby-proofed, especially when they begin to crawl, so they can explore without the risk of getting hurt and parents can be relaxed
• Try to anticipate a baby's needs
  • Parents can prepare before their baby’s behaviour and emotions get out of control by learning their signs of hunger, tiredness and over or under stimulation
• Distract babies instead of setting rules
  • Babies have short attention spans and can usually be distracted from an activity or object that's not allowed; babies do not deliberately misbehave; they are only responding in a natural way
• Set routines and help deal with separation anxiety
  • Babies are calmer when they know what will happen next; setting routines with babies and children will help them feel safe and secure
  • To ease separation anxiety and build independence in their child, parents can create routines around leaving and coming back; this can look like playing peek-a-boo to help develop the baby’s memory, letting the baby make their own choices, communicating with them from a different room, gradually extending their time apart, developing a neutral goodbye routine and making a happy return

At this stage, most children want to be independent. They will want to make their own decisions and do things on their own.

• Use positive language and keep requests simple
  • Using positive words (for example: “can,” “try,” “let’s”) in place of negative words (for example: “don’t,” “can’t,” “stop”) makes it more likely that a child will respond in a positive way; children are not capable of complex reasoning at this age; if a child does not understand a request, parents should rephrase it so their child can understand
• Set predictable routines and rituals
  • Consistent routines help children learn to expect what comes next. Children of this age are more likely to co-operate with a familiar routine
• Distract children instead of getting upset
  • Parents can develop a positive relationship with their child by redirecting and distracting them when they misbehave; for example, when a child is showing unsafe behavior, the parent should approach calmly, gain their attention respectfully, and guide them toward a safer, alternative activity

Sibling rivalry is normal and happens more often if children are less than three years apart in age. Parents should allow normal bickering and play fighting between siblings. Eventually they will learn to get along and will protect each other.

Sibling rivalry helps children learn to handle arguments and talk out problems instead of fighting, handle frustration and anger, and understand how others feel.

• Help a child accept their new sibling
  Children may be jealous when a new baby is brought home. This is normal. Parents can help their older child by making sure that they know they are still important by:
  • Trying not to change their routine right before or after the birth of a sibling
  • Telling them how much the new baby loves them
  • Asking to help care for the new baby
  • Continuing to set up play dates, spending time alone with them each day and not using the new baby as a reason to change plans
• Help siblings get along
  • Praise the siblings when they play nicely and work out their disagreements peacefully
  • Do not show favouritism by taking sides in disagreements, asking who started the argument, and placing blame
  • Encourage the children to talk to each other about their feelings and work together to solve problems

• Sharing with toddlers
  • Young toddlers believe that everything belongs to them, even if it does not, they will grab whatever they want and cannot understand the needs of others
  • Parents can encourage their toddlers to learn to share by letting them play beside other children and teaching children that some things belong to them and some things belong to others
• Sharing with preschoolers
  • By age three, preschoolers spend a lot of their play time deciding who will have what, who will do what and who can play together; this type of play forms the social skills needed for friendship
  • By age four, preschoolers start to enjoy sharing; they can understand the concept of "now" and "later," are able to wait for their turn and can now control their need to grab something from another child; they can also understand another child's point of view and share
• Teaching children to share
  Parents can encourage their children to share by:
  • Sharing with their child so that they can see how nice it is
  • Letting their child see them sharing with others
  • Letting their child play beside other children (with enough room for each child to play alone with their toys) and praising them when they allow other children to play with their toys
  • Encouraging their child to share a different toy if they do not want to share the one they are playing with
  • Giving their child another toy to play with when they want the toy of another child
  • Putting away toys that are special to their child when other children are visiting

Temper tantrums normally happen when children are one to three years of age. Some children have tantrums more often than others.

Causes of temper tantrums

Children have tantrums when they start to become independent; they still need their parents, but they also want to have their own way.

A child may have a tantrum because:

• They do not understand why their parent wants them to stop doing one thing and to start doing another
• They do not know how to talk about their feelings, so they show them physically
• They feel over stimulated, tired, hungry or frustrated
• They want their parent’s attention
• They have learned that acting out will get them what they want

Avoiding temper tantrums

Parents can reduce the chance of a temper tantrum by:

• Making sure their child doesn't get too tired, too hungry or bored
• Encouraging their child to talk about what they are feeling, especially if they are getting restless
• Giving their child a few minutes warning before changing activities
• Talking in a gentle but firm voice and ignoring their child’s protests
• Creating a safe environment for their child to explore and learn in
• Consistently enforcing rules, especially rules that protect their child’s safety
• Rewarding their child’s good behaviour with plenty of praise and attention
• Remembering to manage their own feelings

It is normal for children to have fears. Parents can help their children cope with fear by making them feel safe when they are afraid.

Helping children deal with their fears

Although a child's fears may not be rational, they're real to them and parents must take their seriously.

Parents can comfort their child and make them feel safe by:

• Staying calm and comforting the child by being close
• Creating a safe environment (for example: using a night light if the child is afraid of the dark, keeping babies away from sudden loud noises)
• Praising their child when they face their fears successfully and talking about their fears
• Reading stories or acting out situations that will help their child handle their fear
• Explaining that movies and TV shows aren’t real and avoiding content that could make their child afraid

Nightmares and night terrors

Anything that upsets a child can give them nightmares and night terrors.

Calming a child after a nightmare

Parents should immediately go to their child to offer comfort and stay with them until they fall back asleep. Staying calm will help the child feel safe. Parents need to reassure their child that the dream wasn’t real and that they’re safe and protected

Helping a child through a night terror

If a child has a night terror, parents should be careful not to wake them since this could cause more fear and make the night terror last longer. Parents can help their child by turning on the lights, talking softly to them and staying close by to keep the child safe. If the child is sleepwalking, their parent can gently guide them back to bed.

Preventing nightmares and night terrors

• Make the child's bedtime routines quiet and calm and reassure them that they're safe
• Read books with pleasant topics
• Talk with the child about good things that happened during the day
• Use a night light, keep the child's bedroom door open and check the places where their child thinks monsters are hiding